Let's talk about Xanadu.
Specifically, let's talk about what makes it a terrible film.
The crime here is a common one among bad movies that aren't always ideal to riff; it's unengaging in every way. The characters are flat and we have no investment in them, the story is drawn out and lacks any semblance of real conflict, and the spectacle is dry and unspectacular. What's there to like about this movie? For that matter, what's there to riff? Not a lot. I don't often genuinely hate the movies we show here, but Xanadu came damn close. Let's take a look at why.
Who was your favourite character? Olivia Newton John? Senile Gene Kelly? Lead guy with Luke Skywalker Hair? Can you recall a single name? ONJ's name is on the tip of my tongue, but I can'…
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